Plop

Rain! I love the rain. I love the smell. The pitter patter. The freshness. The free car wash.

Rain always reminds me of elementary school, where we would be barricaded in our classrooms and forced to play Thumbs Up, Seven Up, or if we were good enough, Four Corners. It reminds me of the last few minutes before the downpour, where we could already smell the aroma of clean dirt under our sneakers as we trudged across the field, lingering in the brisk air before returning to class.

Crowed cafeteria lunches and squeaky footsteps on linoleum tiles. Screams, laughter, fights, and the heaviness of a windbreaker jacket, the one mom gifted for Christmas and the same one that gets grown out of by next Christmas.

It's just all too familiar. And I love it so.

Yes, seriously.

October is already over. I hardly remember it, although I do remember...

Googling a lot of puppies, daydreaming at work, interviewing for new work, appreciating that I have a job, researching graduate programs, screaming while kayaking, turning into the Pink Power Ranger, doubting my life plan, eating lots of good food, reorganizing my life plan, feeling grateful that I have room for error, baking cookies, eating lots of sweets, singing ancient mantras with strangers and friends, sleeping in late, raging through Orange County traffic, crying unnecessarily and appreciating again that I have a wonderful family and boyfriend, sleeping in even later, devouring dragon fruit, dressing up as Jasmine from Aladdin, making a Thomas the Train costume, enjoying time with family, getting a drug test and being paranoid I wouldn't pass, eating lots of good home-cooked food, making an Angry Birds costume, making a piggy from Angry Birds costume, passing a drug test, planning a week trip to Prague and Vienna, planning future living arrangements, planning for the best!, eating more good food, carving Iron Man, making out in the back seat of someone else's car, running through a park, doing a sacred dance around a tree, creating evil chocolate cherry mice, doubting my life plan again, saying fuck it and just do it, and then doing it.

Next month I shall write a novel.

Back to Basics

It's been a nice couple days of almost rain here in San Diego. Every time I walk out of my office I look eagerly to the window, hoping that it would still be dreary and jumping at the opportunity to make endless cups of hot tea. So when it finally rained this afternoon I drove feverishly to the market to buy some ingredients for chocolate chip cookies. Mmm...nothing is better than enjoying the warmth of comfort food during rainy weather.

This is only my second time making chocolate chip cookies. When I bake or cook, I like to go big, so I glossed pass the chocochip check point. I definitely overestimated my baking expertise because my first batch of chocolate chip cookies looked pretty disastrous. It was disappointing how fat and doughy they turned out, kinda half cookie half scones. Therefore, snookies.

But not this time! I learned my lesson and measured each ingredient to a T. Everyone likes chocolate chip cookies. No one likes a snookie.

Best Chocolate Chip Cookies (not quite the best)

from AllRecipes.com - set to 12 servings

1/2 cup butter, softened

1/2 cup white sugar

1/2 cup packed brown sugar

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla extract

1-1/2 cups all purpose flour

1/2 tsp backing soda

1 tsp hot water

1/4 tsp salt

1 cup chocochips

optional chopped walnuts

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Mix butter and sugars until smooth. Add egg, vanilla extract and dissolved baking soda. Sift in flour and salt. Mix in chocochips. Drop spoonfuls onto greased baking pans (I stick to foil; they're recyclable!).

3. Bake for 10-14 minutes and enjoy with Food Network reruns and the lovely drip drop of rain.

Pancakes

Inspiration: Pancake - They Draw & Cook

I heart making pancakes. There's just something about getting up early and sifting and mixing ingredients that brightens any weekend. Yum...

Disney Half-Marathon!

What a blast! This past weekend was the highly anticipated Disneyland Half-Marathon, and I can't believe it's all over. Here are some shots I managed to get on my cell phone while running through Disneyland, Anaheim, the Honda Center, and Angels Stadium (yes, I was a tourist in my own backyard!).

Fireworks during the National Anthem

What a beauty

Corral F! Getting ready to run at 6:30am!

The Disney portion of the race!

Rising with the sun

Mariachi dancers and band!

Approaching the Honda Center around 8:15am

Guess who <3's me?!

Soo hungry, but the Clif shots were soo gross

Mile 10, Angels Stadium!

Whoot! Last leg of the race, back to Disneyland!

Check :)

Considering how unprepared I was for this, I think I did pretty well with a finish time of 2:36:15. It was a much needed confidence booster and so much fun. I loved the tremendous support and rallies along the course. And obviously, I couldn't have done it without the well wishes and support of my friends and family. This is definitely one half-marathon of many. I can't wait until my next one!

Do you

The last few days of this week really surprised me. I heard myself utter words and accusations that were entirely irrelevant, rude, and selfish. I saw myself crumble under the pressures of keeping up with responsibilities and proudly bitched and whined about shit that didn't deserve a moment's thought. 

I was completely ashamed of my actions.

I'm trying my best to be my best self. But sometimes you fall into the depths of self-loathing and pity. I can't promise those black times won't show themselves again, but I can try my best to keep them from interfering with what is important and more worthy of thought and effort. I would say sorry, but I know it doesn't mean a thing if I keep the bad and overlook the good. 

It's time I do me. Forget the rest.

Jog log

Details from memory! I'm too ashamed to keep track of specific times...

• Gym - 3 miles - 35 mins
• Neighborhood - 1 mile - 10 mins
• Mile Square Park - close to 5 miles - 1 hour and 10 mins

Tomorrow I will run around Scripps Lake! Tonight I will post pictures of my cute nieces and nephews!

Holler at ya chaturanga

The four things I learned from (35) days of yoga.

• Patience - I'm one of the most impatient people you will ever meet. I don't put up with nonsense or leave room for mistakes. But after day 2 I realized I had to calm the fuck down with these expectations if I plan to complete the challenge. I'm not saying I have the calm demeanor of Mother Theresa now, but I'm definitely learning to use my breath outside of class to increase my patience level. I can't control everything. Some things need time, simple as that.
• Compassion - To me, this was the most surprising and important lesson of the challenge. All the yoga teachers describe compassion as the art of "letting go," and at the end of class one night, I dropped everything as I surrendered to my mat. I saw my expectations rise above me, an ominous cloud waiting to cast lightning on any wrong move. And then I cut myself some slack and let it all go. I'm starting to understand that compassion is first and foremost a gift to yourself. As the wise Dalai Lama once advised, "If you don't love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others."
• Strength - This was a no brainer. I am in great shape right now and feel stronger than ever before. But the strength you gain from yoga transcends muscles and flows through the spirit. And in this sense I'm not as strong as I think I am. The confidence I need to be certain in my actions or inaction is not quite there, yet which I guess is a testament to the practice of yoga as merely practice. It's something you can always improve on and develop over time. You can always grow stronger.
• Acceptance - I will continue to work on this one for a very long time. Acceptance by itself is a challenge. Every day is different and things are constantly changing. Sometimes things go my way, but most of the time they won't. This is something that I need to accept with steadfast patience, endearing compassion, and enduring strength. There's a meaning to life, I know it. Perhaps that is why I am so relentless in my struggle to find out what it is. But what this challenge has taught me is that I need to slow things down, accept things for what they are, and be content santosha with exactly where I am now. The answers will come sooner or later. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Vroom

Finally cleaned my room. Mah gah. I didn't realize how much of a slob I was until I found a shirt I bought literally five months ago with its tag still attached underneath a pile of purses and grocery bags. It's like shopping in a really disorganized Forever 21.

I wish cleaning up applied to the rest of my life. Just pick up the pieces, vacuum the scattered crumbs and boom baby, you're done. Enjoy a full night's rest and just mess everything up again the following day. It's cool because you only deal with the consequences in one full go. Nope, life's messes just aren't that simple. Sometimes I wish I had a heavy duty vacuum designed for the purpose of sucking up all the problems and doubts floating around my head. Vroom. Done deal, sleep easy.

Asphyxiation

The heat, the humidity, the dim lights, the ground. I struggle against heavy eyelids but in the end, gravity takes over and I succumb to sleep.

Images of trees and waterfalls overpower my thoughts and consciousness. I jump off a cliff to dive gracefully into the depths of the water below, but mid-jump I become hesitant of my action. Mid-jump my heart quickens and panic floods through my veins. A twitch of the eyelid, a jerk of a foot and I'm eyes wide open, staring wildly around the room...wondering if anyone saw my struggle.

Let's begin in child's pose.

I drag myself into position, resting my forehead on the floor beneath me, rubbing my third eye center left and right. My eyes, my mind, they take me back to that waterfall, and I see myself jumping. There's no struggle this time, just a fluid dip into the crisp and refreshing water.

Focus on your breath.

But I can't breathe.

Stay strong in your asana, don't collapse into your body.

My limbs are helpless against the crash of the waterfall.

Concentrate on your gaze, your drishti. 

The water burns my eyes and renders them useless.

With every shift, every movement I wade through the murky waters. I fight against the need to struggle, the need to put more pressure on my limp body. It's as though the waterfall transformed into a swamp, and the only thing I notice is the heat clinging to my skin, the beads of sweat that bubble from the poisonous cauldron within.

Breathe.

I surrender to the forces that take over and in that action of inaction, I find my breath again. Breaking free against the barrier that held me captive, I hear the crash of the water's surface as I gasp for air. I draw in deep, steady heaps of beautiful, bountiful air.

Surrender to shavasana. 

It is the practice of letting go, the practice of surrendering. It's learning to breathe.

Three boys, three girls

"Yes, I know. Three boys and three girls. Just decided to come out even like that."

I sat there digging into my frozen cantaloupe smoothie, counting my chubby fingers. There's one, two, plus me...okay, that makes three girls. Then there's one, two.... That's it, just two boys. What was my mom thinking? She only had five kids.

Soon everything fell into place, like clockwork it seemed. A Caucasian man in jeans and a collared shirt rang the door bell and asked if my parents were home. Speaking perfect Vietnamese, he and my mother exchanged a few words and everyone erupted into tears. Some days or months or months and days later, my family and relatives congregated at the airport lobby. I still remember the red velvet dress I wore, and the way my sister and I ran through the sliding doors.

Then it happened. A flood of people ran toward something, someone. Hugs, kisses, tears, laughter and commotion. It wasn't until many years later that I realized why we were there that day and what had happened years before that led up to that day. It was a warm welcome for number three, my third brother, who had been living in Vietnam with my grandma during my first six years of life. A brother who, until that moment, I didn't even know existed. A person who, at the time, was a complete stranger. Someone who came home with us, slept under the same roof as us, ate dinner with us, fought with us and soon enough became a part of us. Three boys and three girls.

Sparks

What's your favorite Coldplay song?

Ethnography

fancy smancy at the Morton's Steakhouse

custom burgers at the Counter

copycat

bacon fudge oohlala

Sushi Deli 3 lunch spesho

bored at work, rawr!

Marquee Nightclub in da Vegash

first attempt at homemade pho

mama's bun moc

shiyo ramen at Chopstix 1

Island Prime! ooh tuna stack

The end!