Twenty eleven

New year, new look! I think it's rather fitting. Plus, green has ultimately claimed the prestigious title of "MOST OFTEN FAVORITE COLOR OF THE YEAR." Congratulations, green!

A year in words

Rode a bike at midnight, cold air on my face and numb legs that never stopped, an endless cycle of thoughts and breath, thoughts and breath. Made friends, lost friends, built bridges, and got the fuck over him. Drank the night away only to spend mornings in agony. Next night same story. Felt the warmth of the truest hug and gave one in return. Said I love you and meant it. Laughed with friends and cried alone. Said I love you and didn't. Ended a journey and began another in an instant. Held hands at a beach and watched the sun rise from behind. Took a chance and finally won. Moved to a new city to start over fresh. Met different perspectives, went on a handsome date, realized what was important, and cried through decisions. Dropped the security net and quit. Drove six hours straight to another city only to find hidden fears consuming every fiber of the being. Leaned on a shoulder, found a passion, pursued an endeavor. Reinvigorated dreams and combined hearts to grow stronger. Physically alone but spiritually connected with just thoughts and breath, thoughts and breath.

Don't be a square

I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you.

To me, the best thing about a guy is confidence on the dance floor. It doesn't even matter if he knows how to dance or not. Although guys who DO know how to dance are undeniably sexy. But that's beside the point. The point is, confidence on the dance floor is more important than confidence, say, on a first date. Anyway, I just wanted to share that.

and this.

Square three

What happened to squares one and two?

I had a dream the other night where I was frantically describing another dream to someone. Can that be considered a dream within a dream? Have I been incepted?

Incepted is underlined as a misspelled word. Options for correction:

1. inception
2. interception
3. accepted
4. incensed

The weather outside is frightful, but I love it anyway because it's the holidays. Who cares about rain when my weekend starts Thursday night, when Christmas is Saturday, when I get to hang out with my sister and drink midnight espresso and watch Toy Story or Mulan after my nephew and niece respectively tear apart their presents. I don't. I don't mind the rain at all.

Priceless

I keep a daily timesheet and a bi-weekly timesheet at work. The bi-weekly one works like every other one at any other job, and the daily one basically keeps track of what I do during the day. Recently, I found myself completing my daily timesheet in the morning, as to outline what projects I would work on during the 8 hour shift. It helps the time go by faster.

But then I had a sudden thought today: there are only 24 hours in a day with 8 hours at work and close to 8 hours dedicated to sleep (so that I could wake up and spend another 8 hours at work). That leaves only 8 hours of "free time" in which I can do whatever I want.

Only 8 hours of free time?

It seems like a reasonable amount of time for running errands, hanging out with friends, etc., etc. But honestly, what if I break down my (approximately) 8 hours of free time like I do with my daily timesheet? It's practically no time at all!! A couple hours doing this, a few hours doing that, and poof, time for bed. How devastating! I really feel like I'm being robbed of my freedom.

My solution? TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY MEASLY 8 HOURS OF FREE TIME. I'm really glad I have yoga, but I want more. And I'm kinda leaning toward either joining 24 or a boxing gym. Why am I deciding to exercise in my free time? Because it makes me happy. And I would gladly spend all 24 hours of the day doing something that makes me happy.

Just BEEE yourself

Uh oh.

Oh mah gah I need glasses.

Sold!

During the summer I bought a Groupon for 3 classes of hot yoga (now known to me as Ashtanga Vinyasa yoga). It was my first yoga experience and I really liked the studio and the instructor, which simplified the likelihood that I would do more yoga in the future.

Near the end of summer I was presented with another Groupon opportunity for 10 classes of Bikram yoga (now known to me as the real hot yoga that could possibly induce accidental suicide by form of drowning in one's sweat). If I could gauge my sweat production during one of these classes then I would have enough perspiration to thoroughly wash my car. And let me tell you, my car is dirty.

I enjoy the classes. I despise, however, the allure of discounts, which is ultimately at fault for igniting my unexplainable addiction to exercising in suffocating saunas. Try saying that three times.

Cold feet

It has been a while since I last blogged! I guess it's because nothing worth mentioning has happened lately.

But I am here now. Why? I felt the compelling urge to tell someone, anyone, EVERYONE! that my feet are incredibly cold at this very moment. Freezing, perhaps. Why is this important you ask? Well, it's obviously a sign that fall has made its final descend and winter is now upon us. Yes, my feet have that amazing ability of predicting the seasons, and I just had to announce it.

Undoubtedly, this winter will be very different. It will no longer be considered "winter break" but simply the time of year when feet are the coldest (and hands, too, I'm sure). This is the first time I will ever consider December the end of the year as opposed to June, which is the end of the school year and a much more significant closure than that of the actual year. But I'm glad I have this new perspective on the "real" end of the year because that means I will finally feel inclined to join others as they rally around resolutions and weight-loss goals. The New Year will have an effect on me this time around. Yes, that sounds very nice. I would very much appreciate a fresh start as soon as possible.

Silly rabbit

"Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still."

Back to the Chinese proverb lecture series aka lecture numero dos. Now this one really speaks volumes, only because I find it highly reflective of my current situation. As of this very moment I am chillin', relaxin', maxin' all cool in the comfort of a friend's fake apartment, which has suddenly become my temporary fake apartment/place to crash.

Be kind, please rewind!

• Two weeks ago I was two inches away from throwing myself into an oblivion of self-doubt and self-destruction, an inevitable abyss of doom!

• One week ago I said farewell to my internship, packed all my things and miraculously made the six hour drive from Milpitas to Fountain Valley, then to San Clemente and, ultimately, to San Diego.

• An interview and a weekend later I am, once again, a full-time employee at a very cool company.

Yes, I worry a lot. And yes, everything tends to work out for me at lightning speed. Maybe my sister was right when she reassured me with one of her broken English fortune cookie text messages, "u r a dragon! Future not just good, but great! :-)" Or perhaps it was because there wasn't one split second when I stood still.

Final stretch

Earlier last week I found out I made a mistake on one of my assignments at work. Oops. Something about not following the context rules on the editing program. Psh, whatever. Do I look like I'm the type of person who follows rules??

Yes. I just forgot about the context rules :(

Thankfully, though, we were able to fix the problem. No harm done. Then, today as I was tweedling away aimlessly on the computadora, my editor quietly walks into my cube and says something about no topic-id. Ah shit, busted on Facebook and in real life. Double whammy.

But, wait! There's more!

After a few minutes of talking through the problem, which by all accounts was not entirely my fault, I had to write a very lengthy email to another editor detailing the issue at hand. A response an hour later + a manageable solution by the end of the day = oh, sweet sunshine, crisis averted! Technically, however, the problem would have been there with or without my contribution; it just became more visible by default of my previous error in judgment. So technically, I saved the day. Huzzah!

Anyway, let's hope nothing else comes up (because it shouldn't!), and I finish this internship with a bang! I only have a week left so I want everything to end on a fabulous note. I don't want to leave a huge mess behind because no one had any idea what I was doing while I was there (myself included).

Tea

One of the perks of working at a fairly large company is the free caffeinated drinks you find in the break rooms. Lattes courtesy of the choking latte machine, questionable coffee from questionable coffee dispensers, an abundance of hot chocolate packets, and (my favorite!) an assortment of Bertie Bigelow's every flavored tea (minus the Bertie part, I was just trying to be clever). So today, instead of my usual green tea, I decided to brew myself a mug of chai. And what a great decision that turned out to be because on the end of my tea bag was a thoughtful Chinese proverb that consequently ignited an inquisitive Google search for more Chinese proverbs, ultimately sparking what I would like to call my Chinese Proverb Lecture Series! You'll understand why this is a marvelous idea after I introduce a few of the bad boys I found. Some are wise and telling but others are just plain weird. Anyway, today's poignant proverb of choice is none other than the one dangling from my chai tea bag:

"When the heart is at ease, the body is healthy."

Simple, yes, but what exactly eases the heart? I really think it's more than just good dieting and exercise that constitutes a healthy heart and, ultimately, a healthy body. It has to be a more intimate practice--something powerful enough to successfully unravel the intricacies of this peculiarly symbolic and all-important organ. A spiritual meditation of some kind? Or the physical calm that comes after taking deep breaths and those lovely lazy yawns. What can put the heart at ease?

Personally, I would like to make a tiny addition to this proverb, an addition that has proven itself highly important in my own pursuit toward a physical well-being. That aspect being happiness (!), and I think it is a thrill that only our minds can acknowledge and experience. A flow of relaxation that calms the tensions of our cluttered thoughts, thereby allowing our hearts to open, accept, and love-- to be at ease. But then again that's just my interpretation :)

"When the mind is happy, the heart is at ease and the body is healthy."

Reassurance

FACT: Toyota likes to put shitty tires on their cars.

Babycakes v2.0 is only two years old and is already due for four brand new tires. And of course, since I'm such a dutiful car owner, I went on a mad hunt for cheap and reliable tires this week. I found a few candidates that had Italian-mafia-head-nodding-so-so-kinda-manageable prices but after taking into account the installation costs and "old tire disposal fee" (another angry fist shake at Toyota), things weren't too bada-bing bada-bang anymore ya know?

Long story short, I basically renounced my decision-making responsibility and forced my brother to find a suitable brand of tires for me. He steered me toward a set of Pirelli tires, and now I have an appointment on Saturday at 1pm to hand over $460.30 of my hard earned bacon. But you know what?! Although this scenario has all the markings of a well-deserved FML rant, I prefer to think of it as a "I feel F'd right now but ML later would be more enjoyable because Babycakes isn't stranded on the side of the freeway while making the trek back to SoCal" glass-half-full type of thing. Just one less thing to worry about in the future ya know? Bada-bing!

I guess it's that slight reassurance that I won't run into any unnecessary mishap because I'm taking care of my bizz-nit. There's that gain of looking out for your ass, I suppose, that trumps feeling financially depleted. So in the end, I'm just paying for my own ass, and gosh darn do I feel HELLA reassured I have a pretty sturdy ass that will get me back home safely.

The Story of Edgar Sawtelle

After getting past the first hurdle of many that made me throw this book in a dark corner, I finally managed to finish The Story of Edgar Sawtelle today. It is a complete twist on what I had initially imagined the storyline to be, but obviously, that made for a better book. Of course, my favorite part had to be the dogs. As fictional as this breed of "Sawtelle dogs" is, I can't help but believe that I have witnessed similar thoughtfulness and love from my own history of dogs. I miss the company of these wonderful creatures and cannot wait to welcome one, or two (or three!), alongside me in the future.

Forever young

It is nice to know that there is sociological research behind the phrase, "the world is your oyster."

THE 20S ARE LIKE the stem cell of human development, the pluripotent moment when any of several outcomes is possible. Decisions and actions during this time have lasting ramifications. This is when adventures, experiments, travels, relationships are embarked on with an abandon that probably will not happen again.

DURING THE PERIOD he calls emerging adulthood, Arnett says that young men and women are more self-focused than at any other time of life, less certain about the future and yet also more optimistic, no matter what their economic background. This is where the “sense of possibilities” comes in, he says; they have not yet tempered their ideal­istic visions of what awaits.... Ask them if they agree with the statement “I am very sure that someday I will get to where I want to be in life,” and 96 percent of them will say yes. But despite elements that are exciting, even exhilarating, about being this age, there is a downside, too: dread, frustration, uncertainty, a sense of not quite understanding the rules of the game. More than positive or negative feelings, what Arnett heard most often was ambivalence — beginning with his finding that 60 percent of his subjects told him they felt like both grown-ups and not-quite-grown-ups.

“To be a young American today is to experience both excitement and uncertainty, wide-open possibility and confusion, new freedoms and new fears,” writes Arnett. During the timeout they are granted from nonstop, often tedious and dispiriting responsibilities, “emerging adults develop skills for daily living, gain a better understanding of who they are and what they want from life and begin to build a foundation for their adult lives.” If it really works that way, if this longer road to adulthood really leads to more insight and better choices, then Arnett’s vision of an insightful, sensitive, thoughtful, content, well-honed, self-actualizing crop of grown-ups would indeed be something worth waiting for.

Is this real life?!

This past weekend was the highly anticipated event of my summer! Outside Lands at the Golden Gate Park in SF. It was so colorful and FUN! Music, food, friends, trees, tiny bottles of alcohol, hippies, beer, spreadsheets, and more trees! Really couldn't have asked for a better weekend.

Honorable mentions: The Strokes! People Under the Stairs, Wolfmother, Pretty Lights, Tokyo Police Club, Temper Trap! Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Al Green, Nas and Damian Marley, Phoenix! and Kings of Leon! But of course, the grand prize goes to... us!! Look at those million dollar smiles. You can't even tell we were freezing to death.

But alas, two days go by very quickly when you are having fun. Then it's back to the real world with real decisions and real consequences. Real story.

First day back to reality and I am at a crossroad: Happiness vs. Security. This weekend was a quick glimpse of how wonderful things could be if I were to move back to Southern California-- back to my friends and family. Yet, today at work I was reminded of my dreaded responsibilities and debt as well as my innate drive to finish what I start. Although I suppose there are the few instances where unfortunate events lead to more fortunate opportunities, like Marisa's story. But that's just hopeful thinking.

Karma

Okay, real blog this time. But I have to make it quick because I'm hungry.

Presents are very strong indicators of a person's past: that lovely pair of socks from Christmas 1998, glitter pens and frilly shirts for your 16th birthday, etc. Some presents are silly and others more meaningful. But it's funny because some of these "things" end up assuming more meaning later on than at the moment they are given. I was just thinking about the many gifts I have received in past years, and it made me think about how quickly things change. From one year to the next, one month, day by day. It is very interesting to observe the subtle differences of how you feel about that certain person who gave you that certain present and how you feel about the certain present itself.

Some of the best gifts I have ever received are books and music. Even though I may not keep in touch with some of these people who gave me such wonderful gifts, the present itself is a reminder of good memories. And I am appreciative of those relationships because regardless of this or that, there were good times. Good times should always be acknowledged as something good.

Productivity

is reading up on the world. Hello NYT, you are my new favorite pastime hobby.



This made me think A LOT about the different kinds of emotions that can possibly run through a person's head, especially a person who has experienced something as traumatic and devastating as war.... I got goosebumps while watching the video. Here is the link to the article if you want to read more about it.

On a lighter note, this has got to be one of the most interesting art projects that I have stumbled upon. It's so bizarre yet entirely relevant. I think my favorite one is the Lost DVDs, although there are a couple others that also made me smirk.

Lover's Spit

Kudos to aztaroth5891 for bringing Broken Social Scene and Rene Magritte together; I found it very fitting. But this is the version I would like you to watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgmXi_Ou0Ss&feature=related

You know it's time
that we grow old and do some shit
I like it all that way

Must

study for GREs, research schools, personal statements, finaid, fellowships...etc.

I CAN DO IT!

------
7/24/10: "GRE = Genius Rocks Exam!"





















No more bumming off Borders. This bad boy is all mine. FYI, it's a pretty good and inexpensive GRE prep guide.

If I only had a heart

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/14/business/global/14heart.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=business

PARIS — It is a long-held dream: an artificial heart to replace one that is damaged or diseased. Now, a French company says that it has the technology to make the implantation of it a standard surgical procedure.

How advanced is too advanced? I am not sure how I feel about organ replacements.... While it seems like the most obvious and necessary step against organ disease, I'm just not sure how artificial can be good enough.

Blah blah "for a reason"

Week 2 at work! Feels nice to have something to do, except I really don't have anything to do yet. They are still figuring out what projects to give me. In the meantime, I have been browsing "appropriate websites" aka NYTimes, LATimes, MSN, etc. to kill the time. Here is an interesting article about Teach For America that I found on NYT: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/12/education/12winerip.html

Asked how hard getting in is, James Goldberg, Duke ’10 said, “I’d compare it with being accepted to an Ivy League grad school.”

Does this make me feel better about being rejected? Slightly. Does it erase all questions about my rejection? Not really. So how do I feel now?

I feel okay.


------
7/15/10: The TFA Debate
http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2010/7/14/does-teach-for-america-improve-the-teaching-profession

Casual Fridays

Yesterday I finished reading Naked by David Sedaris. Okay, just to set the record straight, I'm not obsessed with all things naked. I hope it won't continue to be a theme here, but if it does happen to work that way then it is God's intention. It's all His fault.

Anyway, back to the book. Let me start with a quick introduction about how DIFFICULT it was to find this book. I went to practically every bookstore: Barnes & Nobles, Borders, Costco (buy your books at Costco! wholesale goodness!), Target, even the UCSD Bookstore... nada. They had all his other books, but not Naked, which I believe is Sedaris's first novel of the genre that he typically writes (aka semi-fiction/ memoir, humor essays, satire). I even checked Amazon and one of the comments for the book said something along the lines of, "The BEST. Sedaris fans, you'll have trouble finding this one...." BUT WHY?! Ugh, I was so close to giving up all hope until one random day it just appeared, right before my eyes, the sole copy of Naked in all its goodness...at the UCSD Bookstore. WTF. C'mon UCSD, if you had it all along why the fuck didn't you put it out earlier?! Whatever, so I bought it and started reading it, but school took over so I didn't finish it until now. I could have finished it earlier, but I didn't, so sue me.

I got into Sedaris's work when I picked up Me Talk Pretty One Day a year ago from Costco (where else). Since then I've just been in love with his prose and language. He's so gosh darn funny! Also, I hear that he has the best live readings/book signings. He was in San Diego last October for a book reading, but tickets were so expensive. I wish I had gone though. Now I'm on the prowl for his next show and am eager to start another one of his books. Perhaps, When You Are Engulfed in Flames....

But I can't buy a new Sedaris book until I finish all the unread books I have now. I don't know what's wrong with me. I easily breezed through a book a day last summer, but I just can't do that anymore. Right now I'm trying to finish The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski, which was also purchased at Costco (of course). I was really into it when I started reading it TWO SUMMERS AGO, but then it got really sad and made me cry uncontrollably so I just had to stop. I get too attached to books, I know; I can't help it. However, I'm older and wiser now, and I think I'm ready to handle Edgar Sawtelle this summer... let's see if I can!

Summer in the Bay

Did I mention I'm currently residing in Milpitas, California? It's in the Bay Area, close to Fremont and San Jose. I'm here for a summer internship at Juniper Networks. So far, everything seems pretty much like good ole Southern California. Except I heard that it rained in SoCal earlier this week and that the weather is gloomy. Suckas! It's bright and sunny up here in Milpitas :)

I'm renting out a room with these people I met on Craigslist. Yeah, yeah crucify me, but honestly, I lucked out! These people are very nice! I am really surprised at how well this living situation is turning out. I live with a couple who reminds me of my sister and brother-in-law, since both families have babies and are constantly living in baby central. Also, I live with another roommate who acts and speaks like one of my brothers. Feels just like home! Very familiar and very comfortable.

So I have this entire week off because of an extended company leave. It's whatevs, pretty boring actually. To pass the time, I have been running again (yay me!). It's super nice in the evenings so I just run around the track at the nearby high school. On Wednesday, after my morning jog, I ran into my couple roommates with their baby as they were leaving the house to go to San Francisco. They asked if I wanted to come along and of course, I said yes! SF is pretty awesome. I took some pictures like the tourist that I am.

First place we hit was Chinatown. OMG, I love Chinatown! It was so crazy to see all the old buildings and people going about their business like it was 1918 again (I don't know why I chose that year; the area just exudes 1918). We walked around and ate and just explored while waiting for my roommate's friend to meet up with us. See that guy on the left with the white sweater? Yeah, that's Johnny, one of my roommates!

It sounds funny, but I wish I could have captured the scent of Chinatown in a bottle and labeled it "Essence of Poo." It really did smell like poo a majority of the time we were there. You would think it'd smell of fabulous roast duck and endless steamed dimsum since that's what we saw and ate the entire time. But nope, it just smelled like poo.

After Chinatown we went on a mission to find a gas station. We were so lost...which I think is always a good thing. Getting lost= finding your way around= never getting lost ever again! That was my mentality when I was lost countless times while living and traveling around San Diego. Now I know SD like the back of my hand. Hopefully the same will happen here in the Bay. But while we were lost, we came across Lombard Street, which is also known as "The Most Crooked Road in SF." I thought it was pretty cool! See, getting lost has its perks.



Once refueled we cruised over to Pier 39... or was it 35? Bay Areans, help me out here! Anyway, we went to Fisherman's Wharf where we ate, once again. The lobster bisque was so-so, but I heard the steamed crab was really yummy. Sadly, I am allergic to fresh crab so I didn't try any. I just sat there all warm in my new jacket that I bought in a tourist shop because it was so cold! Apparently it's usually chilly in SF, but I was dressed to impress in shorts and a t-shirt. Damn SoCal tourist. Oh well. After food we busted another mission to find a Walgreens to buy baby formula because the baby was also hungry. And then the baby got fussy... so we went home. Overall, it was a very eventful, fun, quick trip to SF. I'm glad I went along for the ride!

Oh, my, TEETH!

Dear friends, let me tell you the story about my teeth...

I grew up with really ugly teeth. They were very discolored and crooked and blah blah gross. It also didn't help that I was a nasty child and hardly ever brushed my teeth. I would just stand there in front of the mirror some nights and stare off into space when I should have been brushing my teeth. Yup, I was pretty disgusting. But by some miraculous intervention, my teeth managed to set themselves straight during high school without the help of braces. And because I was sooooooo into my looks as a teenager, I decided to bleach my teeth with Crest White Strips, which worked very well for the year and a half that I used them. So since the end of those dirty childhood years I have been diligently brushing twice-four times daily. Now my teeth are straight and white and perfect!

...NOT.

Lately, to add to my wonderfully updated dental hygiene, I have been flossing every night. I know, I know, I should have been flossing way earlier, but I just wasn't really into it. Flossing is messy and awkward and plus, I never understood how to maneuver the floss. But I have taken up the habit ever since my brother gave me a packet of floss before he left me alone and desperate in Milpitas. And surprisingly, it's not too bad (both flossing and Milpitas). I guess I'm more patient now that I'm older so I just stand there in front of the mirror and stare off into the spaces of my teeth as I floss intently every night before bed. Then one night last week I noticed that my teeth moved. YES, THEY MOVED. Not instantly before my eyes or anything, but I could tell that they shifted. Three of my bottom teeth have shifted against each other and are fighting for space! And I'm thinking, oh God, this must be the work of the wisdoms...and lo and behold, my bottom left wisdom tooth is popping its ugly head out of my gums to laugh at my distress. UGHLDKAJF. I'm so paranoid now. I have been examining my bottom teeth every night since last week and every time I check, I can see that they shifted another millimilli-centimeter against each other. Oh, the horror!!

Now yes, you may be thinking that there's a simple solution to this problem: I can just get my wisdom teeth removed and ta-dahh, my teeth will have room to breath. But alas, that cannot be done so easily because I do not have dental insurance to cover the tremendous cost of wisdom teeth removal. What ever do I do now?! Sigh, back to the drawing board to figure out this financial mess. Moral of the story: ALWAYS BRUSH AND FLOSS YOUR TEETH, KIDS! And also, don't be deceived by my seemingly perfect and charming smile; my bleached beauties are currently fighting for their lives.

And guess what song decided to play on my itunes while I wrote this blog?
Death Cab For Cutie- Crooked Teeth

New Point of View

Hello all.

A few might know that I already have a blogspot. It's black and sad, very contemplative and personal. And I don't like it. Though it wasn't intended, that blog just turned out to be a sad place. A sadspot. And that's not what I want my blog to be be, ya know? I just need to turn a new leaf.

I was watching The Next Food Network Star the other day, and the panel of judges are always asking, "So what's your point of view for your potential show?" Well, judges, let me tell you. My potential show is light and airy. Contemplative, but not moody. Fresh, but not demanding. I'm not trying to be someone else. I just want to be more of the person hardly anyone gets to see. No more complaints, no more dwelling, no more excuses. Life goes on.

Thus, my new point of view follows that of the Beatles way of life: Let It Be. And as Paul McCartney would later reprise, Let It Be... Naked.