I mentioned in my last post that I would start using my blog to document my half-marathon training. Well, it's been nearly two months, but I'm back and proud to say I finally dragged my butt to the gym to run a couple miles. It wasn't too bad, but I'm far from ready. Must keep running!
In other news, today my coworker (who tells me he is trying to find this blog but is too dim to realize I have the link on my Facebook) sent me a track from Death Cab's newest album,
Codes & Keys. The song is called "Monday Morning," and he thinks it's about Zooey Deschanel. It's a really cute and has this great line among many:
I am a bird that's in need of grounding,
I'm built to fly away, I never learned how to stay.
If these lyrics were a Jeopardy clue, the answer would be "What is a Kimberly?" This can't describe me more clearly, especially now. Honestly, I wouldn't have even gone to the gym had I not felt the need to escape from something, from some emotion that seems to follow me everywhere. An odd sense of instability and detachment, frustration and slight disappointment. What is it and why am I always consumed by these conflicting emotions?
A couple days ago my friends and I were discussing prospective tattoos. One of them said that as a rule of thumb, you're suppose to think about one design for at least three years before making the commitment to ink. It's been almost three years since I first contemplated getting my tree tattoo, and I still feel confident in my desire to have it permanently penned upon my right shoulder blade. For obvious reasons, a tree symbolizes growth, a journey outwards and up. But in my eyes, I'm attracted to the fact that a tree also grows downwards through its roots. It stays strong because of them, a twisted and intricate foundation of sorts. Sometimes I feel as though I have too many expectations of myself that I can't grow these roots. My head is always wrapped around some goal or aspiration that I'm never able to deeply root down within myself.... Maybe I'm analyzing this all too much, but one thing is for sure: my urge to run away from problems, my disappointment and uneasy feelings, they stem from my heightened expectations for things, of myself and others. Whether feasible or not these expectations hold me back, and I should just let them go.
I would like to grow like a tree, both upwards and downwards. I would like that balance, that stability. I would like to be grounded.
