Growth

I mentioned in my last post that I would start using my blog to document my half-marathon training. Well, it's been nearly two months, but I'm back and proud to say I finally dragged my butt to the gym to run a couple miles. It wasn't too bad, but I'm far from ready. Must keep running!

In other news, today my coworker (who tells me he is trying to find this blog but is too dim to realize I have the link on my Facebook) sent me a track from Death Cab's newest album, Codes & Keys. The song is called "Monday Morning," and he thinks it's about Zooey Deschanel. It's a really cute and has this great line among many:

I am a bird that's in need of grounding,

I'm built to fly away, I never learned how to stay.

If these lyrics were a Jeopardy clue, the answer would be "What is a Kimberly?" This can't describe me more clearly, especially now. Honestly, I wouldn't have even gone to the gym had I not felt the need to escape from something, from some emotion that seems to follow me everywhere. An odd sense of instability and detachment, frustration and slight disappointment. What is it and why am I always consumed by these conflicting emotions? 

A couple days ago my friends and I were discussing prospective tattoos. One of them said that as a rule of thumb, you're suppose to think about one design for at least three years before making the commitment to ink. It's been almost three years since I first contemplated getting my tree tattoo, and I still feel confident in my desire to have it permanently penned upon my right shoulder blade. For obvious reasons, a tree symbolizes growth, a journey outwards and up. But in my eyes, I'm attracted to the fact that a tree also grows downwards through its roots. It stays strong because of them, a twisted and intricate foundation of sorts. Sometimes I feel as though I have too many expectations of myself that I can't grow these roots. My head is always wrapped around some goal or aspiration that I'm never able to deeply root down within myself.... Maybe I'm analyzing this all too much, but one thing is for sure: my urge to run away from problems, my disappointment and uneasy feelings, they stem from my heightened expectations for things, of myself and others. Whether feasible or not these expectations hold me back, and I should just let them go.

I would like to grow like a tree, both upwards and downwards. I would like that balance, that stability. I would like to be grounded.

Four

Immediately after this post I will start using my blog to document my training! Yes, it's crazy to think I only have four full months to train for my upcoming half-marathon in September. Ah I am so excited. The sun is out, the weather is great, and I'm ready to rock and roll.

But first, my experience with traditional Ethiopian cuisine.

Last week I had goban with a steamy cup of chai tea. Boiled barley mixed with corn, goban has a consistency similar to oatmeal. My host explained that it is a typical dish eaten before Easter, symbolic of the Last Supper when Jesus and his disciples shared a simple dinner of bread and wine. It was rather plain so we added some berbere, an Ethiopian spice mixture, to kick things up a notch. I can't say I was a fan, but the chai tea was delicious.

And of course a pre-Easter snack merits a post-Easter feast. Today during tutoring I was welcomed to an overwhelming array of food that included injera, lamb, lamb stomach, chicken, and curry, all prepared with a traditional Ethiopian flair. It reminded me of Indian cuisine and similarly, I was encouraged to eat everything with my hands. MY HANDS! I know this is usual in many cultures, but I hadn't eaten a complete meal using only my hands until tonight. Hence, I wasn't able to take a picture because of my messy fingers! It's a shame because all the food was delicious and looked amazing, especially the lamb stomach. It had an interesting gamy texture and a slight crunch. Overall, it was quite a splendid dinner with my part-time adopted Ethiopian family. I definitely did more learning than teaching tonight :)

Clausto and other phobias

Sometimes when I can't sleep I secure my comforter around my entire body, including my head, and breath really, really deeply. I convince myself that the carbon dioxide from my exhales would eventually cause me light-headedness, which would in turn allow me to fall into an effortless although suffocating sleep.

And then I remember I have a slight phobia of the dark and rage around under my covers, gasping for air and frantically searching the dark room for any monsters and creepy crawlers. The excitement and concern usually wears me out and then I end up asleep anyway. 

The end.

Live and learn

I'm usually quite frugal with money. I can be honest about that. I like to save my earnings and always think carefully before purchasing anything that falls under the category of leisure. Lately though, my perspective on such matters has shifted. I'm merely a young adult and what little life I've lived seems cheated somehow by this incessant plague of an idea that money is meant to be kept.

Nonsense says the new me. 

Money is round, circular, cyclical. It comes and goes and since that's its natural pattern, I might as well spend my hard-earned bacon on, well, bacon. What's life without the things that make it worth living? I'm all about good food, good company, and good times.

Spirit

My ESL mentee, Eden, is the personification of positivity. Her spirit is so bright, and her attitude is simply amazing. It's been a few weeks since we've started our English lessons, and today she finally opened up about her life before America. Imagine, years and years of doing things one way and now having to start all over. That's how she explained it to me. She said she feels "born again."

There is always life before and life after. That's what makes living in the present moment so exciting. You never know where you're destined to go in the future or how your past has led to your current state. But if you just go with the flow and accept that you're exactly where you're suppose to be, everything will somehow work themselves out. It's in the cards.